Turf Turtles – 116.39

Blynd Syde Kreepaz – 86.71

With this victory, Tim's Bald-Headed Turf Turtles not only kept a two-game lead in the Gray division, but they also reclaimed first place in total points, which has been an ongoing battle between the Turtles and the Outsiders for most of the season.  Tim's team lost Byron Leftwich during the contest to a broken ankle, but who needs a QB when you have Larry Johnson and LaDainian Tomlinson?  Tomlinson claimed "Player of the Week" honors with a huge 3 TD, 200+ all-purpose yard effort.  Also helping the Turtles to collect the high score for week 12 was Joe Jurevicius, who nabbed 8 passes for 137 yards and 2 scores, and Larry Johnson.  Johnson scored 15+ points by going over 170+ total yards and finding the endzone once.  Don't even get me started on Andre Johnson.  The Kreepaz posted a respectable score, but just ran into the wrong team on the wrong week.  Leading the Kreepaz in scoring was Drew Bledsoe, who chucked the pigskin for 232 yards and two scores.  Frankenstein even ran a score in!  Jamal Lewis also came through (for the first time since 2004) by collecting 149 all-purpose yards and hitting paydirt once.  Thanks for showing us you have a pulse, Jamal.   

Outsiders – 87.55

Da Bellends – 84.15

Wow!  What one wrong move can do to you and your team.  Chris Peck's decision to sit Kurt "Paper or Plastic?" Warner did a brutha wrong.  Warner went on to carve "15.55 points" as well as "Fuck you very much, Chris Peck" into Da Bellends bench, while Stephen Davis' Panthers got into an early hole and abandoned the running game by their third drive.  Speaking of Warner and the "Mighty" Arizona Cardinals... Everyone who predicted great things for this rotting turd of a football team can now jump off of the Arizona Ball-Sack Express.  Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin will be jumpin' ship the first chance they get... believe that!  Anyways, back to this game.  The Outsiders running backs looked sharp, as Rudi and Ronnie combined for 200 yards and 3 touchdowns.  Peyton's feminine little brother also helped out the cause with 344 passing yards, 2 TD's and a two-point conversion pass.  The win put the Outsiders in first place of the Blue Division by one game.  

Pastie Gangstas – 82.42

Evil Empire – 81.59

For the second week-in-a-row the Evil Empire lost their game by a fraction of a point.  That's a tough thing to swallow, especially since the Empire resides in the tight-ass Blue Division.  The biggest problem for the Empire (other than leaving the Miami DF/ST's 14.82 points on the bench) was Willis McGahee stinking like un-wiped ass for the second straight week.  Willis has turned into Claude Reins in the two weeks that he's been needed the most... fuckhead.  The Pastie Gangstas were led by Steve McSpear, who tossed the ball for 343 yards and 3 scores, and Brad Johnson (talk about having some ancient-ass QB's), who threw for an additional 207 and 3 scores.  On a side note:  Man, I'm glad that I cut Marcus Robinson this past week in my other league... fuck that bullshit!  Chris Brown massaged dog nuts with his tongue in the running department, but Chrissy made up for it by gaining 105 via airmail and even added a TD reception.   

T-Baggin' Dragons – 103.44

Steroid Gorillas – 70.99

It was a swell Turkey Day for me, as I got to watch Alge Crumpler and the Atlanta Falcons DF/ST blow the fuck up for 34+ points.  Sure, Terry Glenn pissed her game down her leg, but I've come to expect that from her.  By the way, I would like to thank Fanball for telling me to bench Crumpler this week... if I would have listened to those fucknuts, I would have snapped like a Leftwich ankle (sorry Timmy).  Anyways, I didn't so fuck you Fanball and fuck your dartboard, bullshit advice!  Hey Antowain, thanks for rewarding my loyalty to your stupid coconut-ass by dick-slapping me with 2.25 points.  The eject button has been pushed on that spade.   

Magnum Force – 80.34

Da' Black-Eyed Peas – 62.85

For the life of me, I can not figure out how Dave Peck can have the top two quarterbacks in a quarterback-rewarding league and not be higher in the rankings.  Someone please explain this to me because I can't see how this is possible.  Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer over tripled the combined score of Mike McBackup and Ben Roethisberger.  Warrick Dunn had a big game on Thanksgiving (again) only to get a TD taken away from vulture supreme, T.J. Suckonitt.  Rian Lindell also had a great game for the Magnum Force.  The placekicker was rewarded with a pink slip on Wednesday evening.  Nate Burleson, please stand on the stage next to Jamal Lewis and the other worthless turds.  We'll be voting on the "Biggest Bust" in the next couple of weeks.  Oh, don't worry about missing the next few games... you will score the same amount of points by standing right there.  Thank you, Nate... 

Bigg Dogs - 92.55

When I walked into Ken Peck's office on Monday morning, I saw a noose hanging above his desk.  40 points will do that to a guy.  The smack was laid on thicker than the Manhattan Yellow Pages in this one.  The Bigg Dogs poured it on and wouldn't let up.  Starvin' Marvin, Ron Mexico, and the Denver DF/ST went through the Injured Reserve List like a burrito dipped in vaseline.  The only player who didn't at least do something for Kenny's team was Heath Evans... but he's a white running back, so that's to be expected.  Having him on your team is like having a "ice" flavored slushie.  Yes, it is in fact a slushie... but it tastes like ass and what's the point of even having one, you know?  Anyways, the Bigg Dogs are also jammed up with the Outsiders, Dragons, and Empire in a total pig-fuck, formerly known as the Blue Division.